We are unable to come to the phone right now. At the tone, please leave your name, number, and Master Card, Visa, or American Express account number and we'll get back to, pending credit approval.
You have reached the [city], [state] Strategic Air Command Nuclear Missile Storage Facility. We are unable to come to the phone right now. At the tone, please leave your name, number and target or list of targets and we'll launch as soon as we can. And have a nice day.
You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Once this is done, our computers will be able to use the sound of your voice for literally thousands of illegal and immoral purposes. There is no charge for this initial consultation, however our staff of professional extortionists will be contacting you in the near future to further explain the benefits of our service, and to arrange for your schedule of payment. Remember to speak clearly at the sound of the tone. thank you." [BEEEEEEEEEEEP]
Around the world today, millions still speak French as either a first or second language. But with your continued support and help, we can wipe out French in our lifetime. Please leave a message in English at the tone, and remember, if someone tries to speak French to you, just say, "non".
Hi, this is Jim. Welcome to my Fun Phone Line, where you can talk to my answering machine for only $.95 per minute! Please leave your credit card number at the tone. . .
HANS: This is Hans. FRANZ: And this is Franz, and we just what to. . . BOTH: Pump you up! HANS: But we are not at home, you know FRANZ: Ya, we are gone HANS: If you want us to. . . BOTH: Pump you up! HANS: You will leave a message after the beep FRANZ: If you don't, then you are a Girlyman. HANS: Ya, Girlyman. And we don't talk to Girlyman, you know FRANZ: So leave a message and we will call to. . . BOTH: Pump you up!
I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid talking to people I don't remember. I'd appreciate it if you could help me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself. Thanks.
Thanks for calling Dial-A-Shrink. I can't come to the phone right now, so after the tone, please leave your name and number, then talk briefly about your childhood and tell me what comes to mind when you hear the following words: orange. . .mother. . .unicorn.. . I'll get back to you with my diagnosis as soon as possible.
Prepare for the alpha test of Beep Software version 1.05. Counting down to test: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. . .
Next on Public Radio's Symphony Hour, we'll be hearing music of Stravinsky. This is the Beep Serenade in C-Sharp Minor, Opus 72. . .
Hi, Please leave your name, phone number and a message, and if we like it we will return your call.
Hi! This is an answering machine. This is the '90s. You know what to do!
I'm home right now. . .I'm just screening my calls. So start talking and if you're someone I want to speak to I'll pick up the phone. Otherwise, well, what can I say?
[imitating Ensign Chekov] "Oh, sir. . .it was Khan! He made us say things . . . do things . . . he kept us from answering the phone! But Keptin was strong, and if you leave your name and number, Keptin will get back to you as soon as he can! [BEEP]
[Imitating Mr. Rogers] Hello. I'm in the Magic Kingdom right now, so I can't come to the phone. Can you leave your name and number when you hear the sound of the tone? Sure. . .I knew you could.[BEEP]
Steve: Hello. Steve and Matt aren't here right now but if. . . Matt: Steve, what are you doing? Steve: I'm leaving a phone message since we aren't here. Matt: But you left the last one--it's my turn. Steve: No, I'm sure it's my turn. Matt: No, you're incorrect. It's definitely my turn. Steve: You fool. I know it's . . . wait . . . Matt . . . what are you doing with that frying pan?!? BONK [really loud thud] Matt: Steve is out right now, so please leave your name and number.
Hello. I'm David's answering machine. What are you?
[Annoying flute music in background] Good day, Jim. Your contact, [insert name], is not available right now. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to leave your name, number, and a brief message at the tone. This tape will self-destruct in thirty seconds. Good Luck, Jim.
Steve has been captured by a flying saucer and can't come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name, phone number, and a message I'll have him call you back as soon as he gets away. Read all about it in next week's National Enquirer.
In the background can be heard Gregorian Chant or some other church music [In a soft voice] Good Day My child, you have reached [name] dial a confession. At the tone if you will leave your name, number and short confession I will get back to you with your penance. Thank you and may God go with you. [Beep]
Hi this is [name]. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message and then wait by the phone until I call you back.
A friend was at a mutual friend's sister's house, and when she went out for beer, he changed her answering machine message. In a loud, deep, gravely, horror-film voice he recorded, "HI, THIS IS KATHY, I'M NOT MYSELF RIGHT NOW. IF YOU LEAVE YOUR NAME AND NUMBER, I'LL GET BACK TO YOU WHEN I'M FEELING BETTER."
[Phone Rings] Noisy pick-up of phone Uh . . . [whisperingly] Hello? Hi, I'm a burglar and I was just about to steal Troy's answering machine. If you give me your name and number I'll . . . uh, I'll post it on the 'frige where he'll see it. Uh . . . by the way, where did you say you live?
This is a boring answering machine message. Leave a message anyway because I'm sick of people ringing the phone at 10 a.m. just so they can hear the clever messages I usually have, and then hanging up without even leaving a "like your message" message. Heh!
This is the Literacy Self Test Hot Line. After the tone, leave your name and number and recite a sentence using today's vocabulary word. Today's word is supercilious.
The President is not in his office at this time. Please leave your name, phone number, the name of the country you wish to invade, and the secret password.
Hello. Lindsey's not home now--this is his domestic droid speaking. I'm not programmed to answer the phone, so just leave a message, and Lindsey will get back to you as soon as possible.
Hi. This is David. I've shut the ringers off on my phones and taken a sedative. As soon as I finish this recording I'm going to bed indefinitely. When I wake up I'll play my messages. Please leave one.
Hello? [pause for a few seconds] Sorry, he's not here right now, but if you leave a message, he'll get back to you.
Hello, I'm not hear right now. In fact, I'm out getting a new parakeet. If you leave a message after the beep, I'll be sure to get back to you. Oh, and by the way, a word of advice; never try to clean a parakeet cage with a vacuum cleaner.
Ring. . .click. . ..[sound of loud music in background]. . .Hello? - just a second while I turn the stereo off [sound of person running to click off music, which gets quiet. sound of person running back to phone] OK, sorry about that, hi there, who's this . . . well hi! . . . uhhuh . . . yeah . . . well listen, you're talking to a machine, so please leave a message and I'll call you back.
Starship Enterprise, Uhura here, can you hold please?--Captain, there is a transmission coming in on hailing frequency seven, do you want it on screen? [silence. . .click]
Hello, this is Jim. Unfortunately I can't answer the phone right now because I've just come back from the Mirror Worlds and I'm still made up of antimatter, so if I were to pick up the phone right now, the resulting energy release would make Hiroshima look like a wet firecracker. So leave a message at the tone and I'll get back to you as soon as my component particles have been restored to their normal charges.
Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
How do you leave a message on this thing? I can't understand the instructions. Hello. Testing 1 2 3. I wonder what happens if I touch this. . . YOW!!
I can't come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come to the phone now, I mean, like, I'm at the phone NOW, recording this message, but I'm doing this NOW, while you're listening to it LATER, except for you I guess it's NOW, like, when you're listening to it. . . I mean, like, wait...oh, you make my head hurt!
After the tone, leave your name, number, and tell where you left the money. I'll get back to you as soon as it's safe for you to come out of hiding.
You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message.
This is a test. This is a test of the Answering Machine Broadcast System. This is only a test.
[For Shakespeare lovers only] So long as phones can ring and eyes can see, So leave a message, and I'll get back to thee.
[VOICE 1] Answer the phone, please, Hal. [VOICE 2] I'm sorry, Dave, I can't do that.
I can't come to the phone right now because I'm down in the basement printing up a fresh new batch of 20 dollar bills. If you need any money, or if you just want to check out my handiwork, please leave your name, number, and how much cash you need after the tone. If you're from the Department of the Treasury, please ignore this message.
Thank you for calling the Confessional Hot Line. Father Durway's not here right now, but if you'll leave your name, number, and confession at the tone, he'll get back to you with absolution as soon as possible. And remember, confession doesn't count unless you confess all of your sins in vivid, graphic detail!
I can't come to the phone now because alien beings are eating my brain. Leave a message anyway, and after the alien beings assume my shape, one of them will get back to you.
OK, One more time. . . This is our answering machine. . . This is the message on our answering machine. . . . . .Any questions?
"Hello! This is 1-800-PRESLEY. Yes! 1-800-PRESLEY! They say the King died 10 years ago, but we know he's still out there somewhere. So . . . leave your name and number and tell us where *YOU* saw Elvis!"
"Hi, you've reached 1-900-CALL-BREN, my personal message line where you can talk to me, Bren. I'll tell you all about how I'm suffering in between sports seasons and about my part time hobby of being a power forward for the Portland Trailblazers. I'll tell my deepest secrets, such as my desire to be kidnapped by short blonde sorority girls wearing short jean skirts, and you can decide whether or not I'm wearing pants. Selected callers will get to talk to me live. Since you're not one of them, leave your own personal secret at the beep. "
In a vaguely phone co-operator voice: "I'm sorry, you have reached an imaginary number. Would you please rotate your telephone by ninety degrees and try your call again."
"Bridge, Kirk here."
If you are a burglar, then we are probably at home but can't come to the phone right now. Otherwise, we probably aren't at home.
The number you've dialed is purely imaginary, multiply by 1 and dial again!
This is you-know-who. We are you-know-where. Leave your you- know-what you-know-when.
This is not an answering machine -- this is a telepathic thought- recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call.
I'm writing the definitive work on pain, and I would like you to tell me how the machine makes you feel. Remember, be honest. This is for posterity."
Hi, this is Jim. Thanks for calling during my spring pledge drive. A basic membership is only $30, and a $60 pledge gets you an "I love Jim Shea" T-shirt. Please wait for the tone, and thank you for your pledge.
You have just dialed into the North American Air Defense Contract Center. Stand by at the tone to give coordinates and destination of incoming bogey. TNR Surveillance will scramble. If you do not respond, this unit will assume incoming, non-important."